I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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