We won't sleep together?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
