put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
