that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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