he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
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Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
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He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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