haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
