The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
