I'm really into asian looking animals
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
