if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
