so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
