i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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