If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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