And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize