If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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