We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
