I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Everyone says I win the strip club
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
