TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Two words: blizzard sex
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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