It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
