Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
