You're my little dorito
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
