Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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