She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
there is puke in my bra ... again
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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