The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
