WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
