I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
