the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
