Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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