i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
