I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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