babies were throwing up all over the place
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
