Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
