Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
