one two three fourrrrnication!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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