some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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