Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
hotel room ftw
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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