It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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