You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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