This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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