well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
