he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
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Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
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