Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
