Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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