Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
