Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
