apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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