im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
