wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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