I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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