I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
