Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
