Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
