Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
