So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
