I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.