I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me