Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.