I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.