I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
