Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
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hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
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I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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