I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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